Seeing Things Through Their Eyes...

Being a stay at home mom, I am afforded many opportunities to watch my children. One of the biggest gifts in my life has been the ability to catch a glimpse every now and again, into the way my children perceive the life around them. It isn't easy. Very seldom will they come right out and tell you how what they're thinking might be different than what you think they're thinking. But if you're watching closely and listening to both what they say and what they don't say, you can kind of grasp a sense of how things come together for them.

I am fortunate enough to have a daughter who is very expressive and articulate. She often lets me know what she's thinking, feeling, wishing for, liking, not liking, etc. She enjoys talking and she's very good at expressing herself. But I also have a daughter who's more quiet, who isn't good at expressing her thoughts and feelings, and typically shuts down when the going gets tough. I often say that my Layla teaches me so much about being a better mother and in the instance, she teaches me how to watch and listen so I can better understand where she's coming from.

This tool, this ability to understand things from their point of view, has helped me tremendously in becoming a better, more compassionate mommy. It's because of this ability that I'm able to re-act less and manage more positively and more appropriately. When things start to get hairy at bedtime {which they often do}, I'm better able to resolve situations quickly without dwelling on some sort of lesson that would just be lost. I also know when are the good times to hold my ground and push the bigger issue rather than cave on something trivial. This tool also helps me to teach and plan activities for my children, knowing better how they learn and what kinds of things make sense to them. I'd like to think that it helps me acclimate them to the world, knowing when to explain things to them and knowing when to step back and let them experience it with fresh eyes.

My challenge, and what I need to work on constantly, is "listening" when the "voices" are quieter. I need to learn to be present in the off moments as well as the on. For example, the other night at dinner there was some sort of mishap. I yelled spoke to Rayne about the undesirable behavior, finished dinner, and moved on. In my eyes, the incident was behind us. However, it wasn't too long after I had begun something else that she came over to me with this note...

Holy moly...tears! Then me feeling really. bad. I had moved on, not giving a second thought to how she was still feeling about the incident. I wasn't "listening". Because if I was, I probably would've seen her sad face or noticed her uncharacteristically timid behavior. I would have noticed her looking at me just waiting for a sign that all was okay. I felt bad not only for not resolving the issue completely, but for detaching and not "listening" to what Rayne was saying afterwards.

Similarly, in the weeks prior to her birthday, Layla was off...not herself: not sleeping well, quiet, easily upset. The day after her birthday, she slept like a dream and literally came back to life. She was cheerful and animated and happy. I hadn't seen that side of Layla in quite some time and I had missed her. In the days since, she's been much the same: the happy little girl I've always known her to be. It occurred to me that perhaps she had been anxious about her birthday. As a young child who quite possible doesn't remember her previous birthday, she may not have known what turning four might entail. Would she be different? Would she feel different? Would being four mean that all of a sudden life as she knew it would be different? For my Layla who doesn't like surprises and doesn't do well with change, an impending birthday and the accompanying uncertainties about such a day could have sent her into full panic mode. Now that it's all behind us, it seems so clear. I wish that I would have "heard" her anxiety about her birthday and given her more reassurance that birthdays were all good...with very little actual change.

As a full time mom, I'm constantly striving to be better at my job. My kids are my greatest source of guidance and information. They are continually telling me how to be better at being their mom....I just need to "listen".

My Parenting Mantra...

I do not share parenting advice here. First of all, each individual child is so completely different as is each parent's specific situation and schedule that telling anyone what would/would not work as far as raising their children go would be ludicrous. Also, I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing. It is trial and error each and every day. One day I'll go and think to myself "wow, I really have it together...three kids, no sweat." The very next day I will be thinking "holy shamokin, how did I get this many kids and why do they not come with manuals???"

So, with that being said, I will share with you the best parenting advice I have EVER received. I apologize for not remembering where I read it, but when I did, it completely changed my outlook on my kids, my parenting, and our dynamic. It has since become my mantra. I think the words to myself so many times each day and they re-focus my thoughts and re-direct my actions. Ready?

Your kids just want you to be happy.

They do not care if they're doing an appropriate amount of crafts or learning exercises. They don't care whether or not you are encouraging the right balance between caring and confidence, selflessness and self esteem, happiness and humbleness. They do not care if they are being socialized enough or too much. They care that you are happy: with them, with yourself, with your family, and with your life.

Since reading this, I have virtually felt its significance and truth in my experiences with my girls. I can see our whole day turn around with the change of my attitude. I cannot promise that the same holds true with older kids {as I only have wee ones} but I can think back to my own young adulthood and I can palpably feel how much those words would have rung true back then as well. I did want, very much, for my parents to be happy. I think that happy {truly happy...not just pretending "for the kid's sake" and really hating their life} parents make for happy kids and a happy family.

And by saying this I do not mean in any way to imply that your children should never see you upset. This, I think, is just as important: for them to see you get upset, deal with your emotions, and bounce back from the particular hardship. But now we're getting even too deep into this discussion. The message is simple. I don't know what it will mean to you and your parenting experience. I simply know that it changed my world. It is my mantra.

Sharing My Easy-Peasy Quiche Recipe...

Okay, so I know that I promised all sorts of sharing this month and I did not nearly share as much as I had planned. It's funny how having a house full of sickies practically all month long can derail even the best of intentions. So this week, I will ignore this tickle in my scratchy throat threatening to be a brand new cold closing in on the heels of the one prior. I'm pulling out all the stops on the topic of sharing. I am spilling my most sacred of secrets: the secrets to my {supposed} success. We all have those things in our lives that we couldn't do without and this week I'm sharing all mine with you! On with it then...

There are plenty of nights where I forget all about having to make dinner until, oh, about 4:45pm. But I almost always have on hand some Bisquick {a true staple in our home}, milk, eggs, and cheese. So, I whip up a family favorite: Easy-Peasy Quiche.

Ingredients:

1 cup Bisquick

1 cup milk

2 eggs

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1 cup add-in of your choosing: we like ham {cubed} or spinach {frozen chopped, thawed & drained}, fresh tomatoes, etc.

salt & pepper to taste {I don't add any if I use ham, but I do with just veggies}

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix all ingredients until thoroughly combined. Pour into a greased pie plate. Bake in oven for 25 minutes.

If I think enough ahead, I usually make a loaf of frozen bread dough and a can of tomato soup {two more of our household staples} to go with the quiche.

Voila`! Dinner!

See...easy. peasy.

Sharing Thoughts on Inspiration & Creativity...

For two days here it's been cold, snowy {yes, I said snowy...I have proof}, and super dreary. Also, Maya has been pretty much attached to my hip...even more than normal. These are not prime conditions for creative genius. I have felt all sorts of lack luster in all sorts of ways this week which, for a creative person, can be immensely frustrating. However, I have been living an art infused life long enough now to know that this is a temporary state. I will come out of my creative doldrums soon. But this particular phase has motivated me to write a post that I've been thinking about for a while on the topic of creativity & inspiration. And since we're all about the sharing this month I thought it would fit in nicely.

Creativity is innate. We are all born creative beings. Often, as we age, the creativity can be reasoned out of us; ie: it is still very much within us but we choose to neglect for various reasons. I could go on and on about the perils of neglecting our inner artist but that is an entirely different post!

Creativity, therefore is not something we can learn, study, or memorize. We can learn skills and tools for utilizing our creativity. But there are no notes to refer back to when we're feeling uninspired. This can be a really intimidating feeling to an artist. For us, the need to create beautiful things is a driving life force. When we're unable to do this, it can be devastating.

If you learn to read your personal creative cues, you can easily recognize when you start to slip into a creative rut. Firstly, recognize the symptoms as a mere phase; momentary and passing. Accept that these are not days to try to push out amazing and brilliant work. I feel that these days come most often when my proverbial well is depleted. If I'm tired, worn out, dealing with family issues, or recovering from something that was hard, I'm all the more likely to have a period of time where I just don't have my normal amount of creative energy. These are days to rest the soul and be gentle with your spirit. This is a great time for collecting; images, scenery, experiences. This is not to say that I do not "show up" for the work. I continue to do the work, repeat the process, go through the motions. Only now is not the time for judgements or harsh self criticism. Remember...accept that you are in a phase.

During this time, I like to watch my children. They are so free of "should dos" and their creativity is limitless. They care not about technique or "proper" ways of doing things. These are the best days to break out the paints and watch them have at it. This is also a great time for long outdoor walks. Nature, fresh air, and exercise are wonderful at re-storing the creative spirit.

Some people like to scour the Internet, magazines, galleries, or stores for inspiration. I like to go to Michael's or even just the grocery store to get some fresh ideas. However, I can usually only do this when I'm beginning to emerge from the phase. If done too soon, sometimes it can be overwhelming and bring on additional frustration to look at the creativity of others. But when the time is right, it can be a powerful tool. When the creative spirit starts to stir within you again, it's good to kindle the fire with lots of eye candy.

Before you know it, you have ideas galore and you're merely trying to find time to fit all of your ideas into your busy schedule. They may even be keeping you up at night. They may be HUGE! I often find that I come out of these phases at another level of creativity. Remember, growth is always uncomfortable...but it's always worth it!

So, bottom line...creativity has an ebb and flow all it's own. It's best not to push it or get angry with yourself. Take some days to rest & re-fuel, gather sights & scents, and prepare yourself for the massive creative wave that surely coming your way!