We had a slow, pretty un-eventful holiday weekend. It was nice, in a too much to do so we didn't do much of anything kind of way. Maya has slowed our lives down a great deal. Part of me does miss our free out-and-aboutness. But a large part of me is happy for a greater collection of quiet moments. Unfortunately, the always busy part of myself has been using these so-called quiet moments to accomplish computer work, read blogs, online shop...basically anything other than just sit with myself. While I do enjoy these times of gathering ideas and inspiration, too much often leads to times of envy, comparison, and judgement of myself. I can quickly fall down the rabbit hole and, once there, I loose sight of myself: my goals, my ideals, my focus. Luckily, I've been down this particular rabbit hole many times in my life and I'm able to recognize when I'm here.
The times and details may be different each time I've visited this uncertain place, but the pattern of events that get me here, and then get me out, is always the same. One small act leads to over-abundance, over stimulation, & over exertion. I hit the very bottom of the rabbit hole craving a simpler, more mindful life focused on the very real people around me and the activities that mean something to my heart. I find myself reeling in all the different lines of me that have drifted out too far and are often so tangled that I may just need to cut them and move on.
I spent the better part of this weekend quietly. I desperately needed some time alone with my own soul to examine where it wanted to be. And, not surprisingly, what I heard was that my soul, indeed, liked the quiet.
I've re-committed to spending more time with myself...without distractions of the world, without the clutter of so many other people's thoughts. I feel that for the first time in a long time, I need to take some time to really get to know myself again. Listen to music, read books and poetry, create from my own heart, and see where it all takes me. So much has changed in my life since I've last taken the time to listen to my heart...I need to hear what it is saying now.
I firmly believe in creating the inner space for something new to blossom. I need to make the space for the me that I am right now to grow and thrive. And as if the universe is in complete support of my re-newed commitment to honoring the wishes of my soul, today is cloudy with a chill in the air and I'm and not feeling well. I'm taking it as a sign to continue with my quiet restfulness.