Saturday, September 26, 2009

Opening Up...

I'd like to think of myself as a fairly confident person; a person who boldly pursues her dreams, not accepting defeat or impossibility. My goodness, I've pretty much gone after what I've wanted my whole life. But lately I've been feeling my self-imposed limits. I've been feeling the smallness of my living. Sure, I have dreamed and I have pursued, and I have achieved...which is great and I could not be happier or feel more blessed. However, in recent weeks I've had a voice inside of me saying "yes, yes this is great, but it's all been so, well, little." I've been dreaming small dreams, taking small steps, achieving small successes.
I can say, without doubt that dreaming little almost always leads to success and that it's the big dreams that are most risky. I can see that I've been a safe dreamer. I've never been a big dreamer and I can now say with certainty that it's been more about a lack of confidence than anything else. But now I'd like to start dreaming a little bigger...okay, maybe I think I'd like to start thinking about maximum potential type things here. But how do you do that when the highly trained portion of your mind shuts down your thought processes before they even become fully formed?
So, I've really been trying to push myself a little in the way of opening up. I'm trying to grow into different parts of myself in an attempt to start feeling more comfortable there. I feel as if my skin has grown and I need to grow into it's more expansive form and shape.
It's hard, and uncomfortable, and some days I want to stay small. But, honestly, right now I'm welcoming this period of growth. I'm excited for what's coming. I need to keep silencing negative self talk, being brave enough to be seen, and being confident enough to open up. I want this. I'm ready.
Bring. It. On. World.