Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A Forgotten Love...

So I mentioned yesterday how I was going to do something last night that was both scary and exciting; something that had once been my whole life, but that I hadn't done in 11 years. Words cannot describe how excited I was.

This former love of mine was the great forgotten love of my life; a love which I abandoned at a time in my life when things were bad and confusing. This love took the brunt of my sadness when I couldn't take it out anywhere else.

When I was 18 years old and a freshman in college, I abandoned my life long love of dance. Since that time, I have watched dancers with longing eyes and tried not to let myself remember how much I felt for dance. Two and a half years ago, my eldest daughter began to take ballet from a former teacher and dear friend of mine. This year, my second child began dancing as well. I had all but convinced myself that having my daughters dance was good enough: my time had passed and what I could do now was support them.

But then I would hear the music. I would watch the girls learning those fundamental steps at the barre and tell them how even when they were big and very good at dance that they would still be practicing those very same steps. I would watch the older dancers wrap their blistered toes and remember the many nights I would soak my own blistered toes only to go back for more the next day. The longing in my heart grew louder and it was becoming hard to ignore. I missed dancing.

The girls' dance teacher sent out an email saying that the River North Chicago Dance Co. was offering a jazz master class for area dancers in conjunction with their performance at our local university. I knew, as crazy as it was, that I had to go.

It had been 11 years, three babies, and a plethora of life experiences since I had taken any sort of dance class. A huge part of me felt crazy for braving such a thing. But there was a much bigger part of me that had been waiting 11 long, full years for this exact opportunity.

I'd have to say that my biggest fear was how I'd survive on my recently twisted ankle and the other injuries that I may sustain...being nearly 30 and pretty out of shape. I maybe should have been concerned about looking like an old lady who had no business trying to keep up with kids half her age...but I wasn't. I knew I'd be so elated in the moments that I would not notice or care about anything else.

And I was. It felt so good to dance again. My body and my mind got lost in the motions and the was pure bliss! Much to my surprise, my body remembered how to was if it had never stopped. It's clear to me now that dance will always be a part of me. I know that it can no longer be the all encompassing love that it once was, but that it can still be a part of my life. I cannot tell you how amazing it felt to rekindle that passion!
So tell there something from your past that you've secretly been missing?


Karina February 3, 2010 at 3:09 PM  

Congrats for being brave enough to face your fears head on. It's a big step to take, and how wonderful you have awakened this long past love. Enjoy your time dancing - again!

Kris's Kaptured Moments February 3, 2010 at 3:21 PM  

I am so beyond proud and impressed...It is so difficult to pick up a dream that has been put away for so long. It sounds like you had a wonderful evening and you should never give it up again. My mom went to college on a ballet scholarship many years ago and has danced off and on ever since. She is 71 now and has a killer body and teaches yoga now..(funny, I can't dance at all). YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Julianna February 3, 2010 at 3:30 PM  

so brave and wonderful!!!

Johnna Riddell February 3, 2010 at 3:31 PM  

I love your spirit! You just make me smile... I am so happy for you and this wonderful moment! There is nothing in this world, like being united with what you thought was lost... especially when you loved it so.

I love the photos too, the joy is so evident on that beautiful face of yours!

solstice letters February 3, 2010 at 3:56 PM  

Wow...I am so in awe. What courage that must have taken. You must be over the moon today.

Laurie February 3, 2010 at 4:12 PM  

This is wonderful news!! Congrats on rekindling your old love. I know you will love it.. I used to dance as well and I surely miss it.. I may have to do some rekindling of my own. :-)

Corinne February 3, 2010 at 5:10 PM  

How fabulous! Good for you, I'm in awe :)

damiec February 3, 2010 at 6:06 PM  

That was so uplifting! Good for you for being brave!

I shelved studio art in my freshman year of college for more "practical" endeavors. I haven't stuck more than a baby toe back into those waters since for fear of being consumed. Perhaps I'll take a page from your book.

Whatever you do - keep dancing!

Papillon Sky Photography February 3, 2010 at 6:53 PM  

What an amazing story. I had chills as I read it and tears in my eyes. So glad you found your love of dance again.
Things I gave up? Drumming. Someday I will take it up again! You inspire me!

Denise February 3, 2010 at 7:36 PM  

Good for you!!! I am so happy you started dancing again....that had to feel magical for you!

t does wool February 3, 2010 at 8:27 PM dance be free and to realize a dream...
fabulous Maegan!

Jamie February 3, 2010 at 8:36 PM  

You make me want to find the nearest dance class and sign up.

Robin February 4, 2010 at 7:58 AM  

So absolutely inspiring.
You're living well, keep it up.
All Things Heart and Home

paige February 4, 2010 at 1:03 PM  

yay for you!

i loved your entry in artfulblogging!

Amy February 5, 2010 at 11:04 AM  

That is awesome Maegan! I am so proud of you, what a great feeling to be doing something you love so much again. You really are an inspiration to everyone, especially your girls!

Nell February 5, 2010 at 11:43 AM  

I'm all wrapped up in joy right now, thinking about your experience! So happy you did it. :)


mamayou February 8, 2010 at 8:30 AM  

How fabulous! And wonderful for your children to see you doing this:)