Friday, January 23, 2009

Preparing for Change...

My little Layla was sick yesterday. She spent much of her day in my arms letting me cuddle and care for her. I was quickly reminded that in only a few short weeks she will no longer be my "little one." And although I'm so excited to have Baby Maya in our home, a part of me was so sad for the change that was about to come. Brent later reminded me that we had felt the same way about Rayne three years ago when Layla was about to enter our lives.

I think that, up until this point, my idea of getting ready for the baby was to try and get everything done that I wanted to...creatively, business-wise, and around the house. I know that once Maya arrives, my spare time will be out the door and I will have a long adjustment period of getting used to our new schedule and dynamic before I can get into any sort of productivity swing. But, in being so busy and doing so many things, am I really getting ready for Maya or am I just in full denial?

I think that a part of me just keeps busy to prevent myself from wishing for labor right now! With both my previous pregnancies, I was ready to deliver at about 7 months. They both came over a week late which made me very depressed and hopeless for a good 4 to 6 weeks. I think that by filling up my time with so many "pre-Maya projects" that I'm trying to protect myself from getting over anxious.

Another part of me really does want to make the very most of these last few {relatively} easy weeks. Last night as I was giving the girls a bath and getting them to bed, I realized how well I had our routine down. We are comfortable in our daily patterns. I know how to read their moods and how to respond accordingly. I know that I will be guaranteed a two hour "quiet time" in the afternoons. I also know that once Maya arrives, my life will be unpredictable for weeks. (Did I mention that I thrive on routine? It seriously helps with anxiety...)

So, I guess what my day of sitting quietly with Layla revealed is that what I really need to be doing is slowing down. Preparing for things to stand still for a while and not progressing in any direction but just being what they are. Preparing to go with the flow more and be okay with the lack of control that I'll have. The lesson in patience that I will receive is unavoidable. The best I can do is embrace that lesson.