Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I like the rain...{not so much in winter because I strongly feel that it should be snow, but we won't get into that}. But I can sympathize with the clouds just needing to finally release in a big way. Like how they feel they've been so happy and cooperative for so long. But yet the whole time they've been holding all this weight and they just need to let it go. Call it a side affect of the depression and anxiety I battle with constantly, but having a lot going on inside while making the outside look nice is something that I deal with daily. So rainy days make me feel like I can take a little break from holding so much inside.

Today it is not raining here. But it rained enough over the past couple of days that I still feel the powerful pull to release. And I want to keep this space as honest as possible so I'm going to do something I never do here...whine! That's right. In an effort to embrace the concept of letting go and hopefully as a means of actually letting go, I'm going to let out some things that are shallow and silly {especially in light of some recent global occurrences} but are bothering me none-the-less.

{wow, I'm very nervous about being so honest and showing my emotional knickers like this}
1) My car needs a new transmission and we're going to have to take from our vacation fund to fix it. That makes me very sad because we never take {real} vacations and we were planning a really nice trip to Maine. Now, that trip may still happen but it stinks that the kids won't get to eat the whole time we're there.

2) I've been waiting very patiently for four long months to spill the beans about something HUGE...{no, I am not pregnant!}. It is close, like any day close. I just need one little thing to come in the mail and I can shout it from the rooftops. But, each day I wait and try not to get my hopes up too much. And each day I get this little pang of disappointment that I'll have to wait a little longer.

3) I hate my hair right now. Like really hate it. I can't really do much with it and it doesn't look very nice. But my hairdresser {the one I spent 27 years of my life looking for and for over two years traveled 1/2 hour away just for her to cut my hair} has moved to a salon even further away. I had already been grumbling about the 1/2 hour drive to get my hair cut...I cannot drive 1 hour! So...I'm back to the unfortunate process of auditioning for my next favorite hairdresser...which could take years...which also means that having a decent haircut is just not something that's on the immediate horizon.

4) So I'm knit/purling this scarf, right? And it was looking so good. I have big plans to use it in Maya's 1 year portraits. Over the weekend, I must have knit when I was supposed to purl. Then it took me a few rows to figure it out and get it right again. So now I have this backwards clump 1/4 of the way through my scarf. It's okay...I'll just make backwards clumps at the other quarter sections throughout and it will be fine...but it's not they way I wanted it to be. I will not waste my time or the scarf so I will make do and make amends, but I'm still really peeved that I did that!
5) We're running terribly low on groceries in the house but our funds for the week have run out and I must make do with what we have until the weekend. Which means that I must make cheeseburger pie tomorrow night! I hate {I know that's a bad word} cheeseburger pie. i don't even like cheeseburgers. But when you've got ground beef, Bisquick, cheese, onion, and not much else, what else are you going to make?
Phew! I feel much better now that I've let all that go! Thank you for letting me vent and allowing my proverbial rain to fall down here in this place. I promise the sun will be back soon! And please allow it to be said that, all these things included, I really love my life!


kristinak January 26, 2010 at 3:19 PM  

Vent away!
This is your space to talk about whatever you want even if it's not all sunshine and roses. It's a good release....
So sorry that all this bad stuff is happening. :(
Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day. Hugs!

fullofbliss January 26, 2010 at 3:20 PM  

I love your honesty and your candor! Thank you so much for sharing all your frustrations and feelings today. I think it's so important to release our feelings and disappointments. We all have them, and sometimes we feel like we should put on the brave face and pretend like everything is perfect when in fact we are just as real as the next person. I can relate to so many of your frustrations right now, cheeseburger pie and all(~.~). I hope tomorrow brings your much anticipated news, and sunshine and joy!

Jenn January 26, 2010 at 3:29 PM  

When you spill your frustrations out for other's to read, it usually releases some of that heaviness that you carry around all of the time.There's a comfort involved when someone else simply says "I've been there too."

Hope your unreceived mail shows up in the mailbox, the transmission fixes itself and a bag of grocery magically appears on your front door... {Hey, we can wish can't we?}

Amy January 26, 2010 at 3:44 PM  

Sometimes I have a hard time complaining about things in a public space like my blog because I feel like compared to people with real problems what do I really have to complain about?-BUT I am not one of those people that smile and say everything is fine when it's not. I just can't be, it's not true to me and it does me no good. I feel that as soon as I say it I feel better. I hope this made you feel better and things are looking up soon.
And your big news?!?! I wish the mail would hurry up already because I am dying to know! : )

Nell January 26, 2010 at 4:00 PM  

I love your honesty. We all need to embrace honesty and transparency more on our blogs. And the photo's... oh my word, the photo's. If I had an ounce of your talent I'd be a very happy woman!


barbara January 26, 2010 at 4:44 PM  

sorry to hear about all your recent troubles. i know how hard it is to find a good hair stylist and i'm now in the market for a new one as well. looking forward to your big news... it sounds exciting! hang in there, it'll get better :)

Corinne January 26, 2010 at 7:42 PM  

I hope you feel better after your vent :)
I can totally understand and sympathize with you. Hang in there!!

Grey Cottage Studio January 26, 2010 at 8:34 PM  

I'm all for the venting. I wrote a cheery post, but I could have cut and pasted most of yours in mine (substituting washing machine for transmission). Oh, I don't even have a hairdresser I like, and I still hate my hair! Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Johnna Riddell January 27, 2010 at 8:16 AM  

it feels good to let it out sometimes. and there is nothing wrong with having days like this.

it's hard to keep the upbeat, excited exterior going when you don't feel that way inside... it's a strange feeling, loving your life, feeling totally blessed by your children and family, having so many wonderful things around you, but still struggling with financial issues and emotional stumbling blocks. I've been in a similar spot ... and I'm sending you a hug. I'm glad you felt open enough to share with us.
beautiful photos too. i love the different looks.

Kathleen January 27, 2010 at 10:14 AM  

I love the rain being the clouds' way of venting... it brings a natural beauty to the release we all need. I can relate to so many of your frustrations - go ahead and own them. And take another look at those photos - the rain really does make everything beautiful.

t does wool January 28, 2010 at 7:46 PM  

oooh...I am hoping each day for you;)