Returning...

So, as many of you may have known or guessed, I spent my computer hiatus on a small island off the coast of Portland, Maine with the hubs and the kids. I was leary of coming right out and saying I was "leaving my house for such and such amount of time" because of the crazy world in which we live...but I was absolutely busting at the seems to tell you how very very excited I was! We had an absolutely amazing time and I have a ton {and I mean a TON} of pictures and stories and memories to share with you...but reality has hit me hard and it's taking me a couple of extra days to recover and mourn the end of our days on the island. 

We spent six full days on Peaks Island and so much...I mean SO much...happened and changed and manifested in wonderful ways. I thought I would take today to bang out another one of my 30 List for an overview-type recap of my week. And then, once I get through the 1000 plus pictures I took on my trip, I will share more details and specifics with you!

So, without furthur ado...

30 Things I Did Last Week on My Computer Hiatus

1. Drove 914 miles to Maine and back.
2. Spent an entire week living in a cottage on an island
3. Watched NO television
4. Read The Lovely Bones
5. Met Kristin
6. Met Corinne
7. Met Kathleen
8. Walked in the Atlantic Ocean
9. Walked around Portland, ME
10. Spent a full nine days with my husband
11. Found sea glass
12. Collected a massive amount of sea shells
13. Took over 1000 photos
14. Ate Maine lobster
15. Ate authentic New England Clam Chowder in New England
16. Walked...a lot...everywhere...which felt sooooo good
17. Went out to dinner...a lot...which was soooooo nice
18. Watched my baby girl experience the ocean for the first time...and love it!
19. Watched my big girls search, explore, play on, and love the island beach
20. Took in breathtakingly gorgeous views daily
21. Slept with the windows open with a cool island breeze sweeping across the bed
22. Wrote daily in a journal
23. Spent honest to goodness QUALITY time with my husband and our children
24. Sent out postcards from an actual location other than my home
25. Put our van on a ferry and took it to an island where it stayed for a whole week
26. Drove very, very minimally...other than the 914 mile round trip, of course!
27. Fell in love with my husband all over again
28. Enjoyed my non-tv-obsessed/happy/enjoying life for the little things kids
29. Fell in love with Maine
30. Felt very sad about leaving our little slice of paradise :(

I will move past my temporary bluish state...in fact, I am starting to come around and getting excited for some changes that will be occurring around here soon and the obligatory accompanying celebrations that will be necessary!

I want to thank you all for being so kind and supportive of my sweet husband last Sunday! He was so nervous about his post and all of your very kind comments were very encouraging. I think he has even agreed to come back next month!

So, now, I feel like I've missed so much and I just know that it will be impossible to catch up on everything...so please share with me what's been happening in your life! You can even leave a link or two if you'd like if there's been very exciting things! I want to get caught up and here about all the latest! And I promise to be around to visit you again soon!

What I Learned From Birds...

A couple of months ago, a robin decided to build her nest in our garage. More specifically, this robin diligently created her nest in the frame of my bicycle which was hanging upside down from our rafters. At first, the bird would dart out as soon as we entered the garage. But the longer she stayed, the more comfortable she became having us around.

In the beginning, I thought how wonderfully exciting this would be; very National Geographic like and so educational for the children. When we figured she had laid her eggs and we could no longer close our garage doors...ever...I had some misgivings. But that's an entirely different post.

So, this robin sat on her eggs for a few weeks and all I kept thinking about was how those newborn baby birds were going to get out of the garage. I mean, flying in and of itself was a challenge without the added obstacles of miscelaneous rafters, beams, doors, windows, etc. I feared greatly that they would impail themselves on something in their early days and we'd come home to a sweet dead baby bird on our garage floor.

I really just had no idea how birds learned to fly. Does their mama carry them somehow and then drop them and then bump them back up if they start to fall? You know, like does she proverbially "hold their hand" while they take the first leap? Do they all go together? What if they're too scared and they never leave the nest? I mean, my goodness, there they'd be...days old, peeking out over the sides of their nest, curious about the world outside our garage...and OH MY GOODNESSS...there'd be a big 'ole drop onto a hard looking floor not to mention the menacing tractor staring back up at them. And then they'd look out trying to form a plan and there are all these obstacles and beams and doors and things in their way. I really did just fear for them...and wonder!

But it wasn't long until the eggs hatched and we saw the robin sitting higher in her nest and leaving a bit more frequently. {well, with three new little mouths to feed I guess she was a little busy} I thought for sure it would be a while before those birds needed to worry about flying. We checked in on them from time to time and found that they were growing much more quickly than I had anticipated. Then, all of a sudden one day, we walked out into the garage and there was the bird, out of the nest, over by the window, trying to figure out how to get out. I, being the Nervous Nelly that I am, thought for sure we needed to do something about this. But my calm as anything husband assured me that the baby bird would be fine. The next day, we went out to find that not only had the bird found it's way out, but it's siblings had also left the nest and were finding their way out as well. Just like that.

Now, they had their troubles. Many times I heard a bird stuck up in the rafters or saw one trying to get out through a closed window. But eventually, they all made it out. And what occurred to me was that none of us know what we're doing or how to do until we just do it. And I thought about all the times in my life when I've had to fly without knowing how. Like when I graduated from college with no clue where to go next. Or when I brought my fist born home from the hospital surprised to find that they simply allow you to just walk right out the door with them without proper demos or a peek at the owner's manual. And when I launched my soap business not knowing either how to actually make soap or how to run a business. Everyday there are a multitude of moments where I think to myself "but I don't know how" and it seems so scary to just leap out of my nest where everything is familiar and dependable. But, as the robins showed me, you just have to do it and figure it out as you go.

And I'm pretty sure that if you ask anyone, they'll tell you that they did not receive the mega how-to manual for their life either. During O Magazine's 10th anniversary celebration, Elizabeth Gilbert, author of "Eat, Pray, Love" gave an excellent speech and mentioned how we all think that there are some people who have just been handed all the answers..because it may seem that way. But really that's not the case. We are all struggling trying to be bold and brave. We are all just little baby birds in cozy nests, wanting to spread our wings out into the world. And none of us know how. But the only way to learn is just to leap...to take a chance...to acknowledge that the risk of facing adversity {like a closed window or a wrong turn} is a small price to pay for the chance to soar!

30 Things I Vow To Do This Summer...

I can hardly believe that 1) it is June already and 2) that Rayne's very last day as a  Kindergartner is tomorrow. It's just like life to serve up a big 'ole helping of change right when you start to get comfy. You know {or perhaps you don't} the way I feel about setting intentions so as not to let opportunities pass you by. So I thought since I'm way behind on my 30 Lists and since my mind is all but mush due to all the writing I've been doing for Boot Camp, that I would pop out a List of 30 summer intentions.

30 Things I Vow To Do This Summer

1. Get outside...even though it's hot...even though it's really stinking hot
2. Eat lots of popsicles
3. Swim in our big pool...a lot...to make it worth all the time and money we put into it each year
4. Go hiking
5. Sleep in our tent...all together...even if it's in our back yard
6. Go to Maine
7. Meet some online friends in person
8. Go out for ice cream
9. Wear sunscreen
10. Swim in a lake
11. Swim in the ocean
12. Find sea glass
13. Not watch too closely as the baby-ness just seems to be falling off of Maya 
14. Go out to eat with only my husband
15. Eat crabs
16. Go strawberry picking
17. Read books
18. Play with my children
19. Spend more time off the computer than on
20. Eat outside
21. Begin taking more portraits
22. Will make sure I'm in more pictures
23. Go to the farmer's market
24. Grill as often as possible
25. Invite friends over for dinner
26. Ride a ferris wheel
27. Dry laundry on the line
28. Relax
29. Enjoy having my babies home
30. Kiss, hug, relish, snuggle, read to, play with, teach, encourage, inspire, and love my children

In other news, I am getting so pumped for Creativity Boot Camp! I'd love to have an entire day to just sit and re-work some of the posts...but that's just not in the cards and it'll be great as it is...I hope!

I'm trying not to get overly emotional about Rayne's last day of Kindergarten...but well, let's face it, it's me and I will! But she is excited and ready and we have a whole big summer to look forward to!

Tomorrow, I will finally get to spill the beans about a very exciting venture! Please do stop back!

And, last but not least, all of the images in this post were processed using Jessica Paige's new set of One Willow presets for Lightroom. She has just released The Fairytale Collection and oh-my-goodness...they are amazing!

Making Space & Shortcake...

In the days leading up to this weekend, I found myself talking to Rayne a number of times about how we were going to be working very hard to get ready for our yard sale. In discussing why we had to get rid of things, I made a number of mentions to the fact that we needed to make some space. In true five year old fashion, Rayne immediately started dreaming of all the ways that we could fill our new space: with new toys, with items we've had to store in our basement, with a new play area for this or that. She had a hard time comprehending that we needed space just to have space.

But it got me thinking of how many years of my life I spent making room for something else...and not just making room. So much of my life up until now has been about making and getting and being and doing. And I can honestly feel this palpable transition into a period of opening and anticipating and waiting and creating space for opportunity. So I tried to teach Rayne how we needed to make space just to have space...but the concept was completely lost on her youth...as it would have also been lost on mine.

I think that creating physical space is such an important element for clarity and growth. I feel much more relaxed and hopeful without clutter in my living areas. I truly enjoy letting go of possessions that no longer work for me or mean anything to me. And recently, I'm enjoying the same clutter clearing and letting go in my emotional life as well.

A couple of months ago, I finally made the very hard decision to let go of my soap business. It was no longer serving me in the ways that it once did and it was robbing the energy that I wanted to put elsewhere. I held on to it for almost a year like a pair of pre-baby blue jeans just hoping that in another couple of months it would fit me again. But just as having a baby changes the whole shape of your body, life and growth can change the whole shape of your life.

So I let it go. It was the first time in my life that I let something not physical go without having something waiting to replace it. I felt very strongly that my life was too cluttered to see the path that was laid out before me. Almost instantly, I felt an opening so strong and so full that there was not one moment that I regretted my decision. And in the process, life has opened up and taken new directions, and moved me towards bigger and better places...all because I created space.

So we spent the better part of our three day weekend creating space around here...physical space. And although Rayne may not understand the concept of making space for the sake of space, I hope that she feels the benefits of more openness and more flexibility and more possibility. And while she was a bit upset over having to let go of some of her stuff...I think we more than made it up to her with some fresh strawberry shortcake! So while her youth doesn't always provide her with perspective of the bigger picture, it does provide her with delight in the simple things...and that's what she's teaching me.

Job Perks...

Lord knows I love my job. Being a full time mom, for me, offers rewards far above corporate ladder success and six figure salaries. And every morning when my husband leaves for work, I thank God that I do not have to say goodbye to my children for eight plus hours each day. I really do have it great. But there are some things about my husband's nine-to-five that I do covet.

There is the obvious and much desired lunch break, followed closely by the completely solitary drive to and from work. Not to mention the eight nearly uninterrupted hours to get all your work done. Oh, and yes, the ability to clock out and go home...I covet that as well. But lately, I've also been envying the performance related bonuses and raises that are offered in a more formal work environment.

In my job, 100% job performance is not considered exceptional...it's required. It's expected that I have a perfect attendance record {or that I find my own substitute in special situations}. I must meet certain objectives every day  {provide breakfast, lunch, and dinner}. I must maintain certain conditions in the workplace {safety, cleanliness, temperature control, emotional balance}. My job description is rather large and my successfulness at my duties doesn't affect whether or not I get paid or if I get to keep my job, it affects the health and well being of my family. I must chage diapers when they're wet, feed kids when they're hungry, clean hands/kids/clothes when they're dirty...no exceptions. I cannot quit, or leave early, or walk out, or take a break.

I do not get tipped better when I make three made-to-order lunches in under 10 minutes. I do not get a bonus when I come in under budget at the grocery store. There is no monetary incentive for being able to get completely ready for my day in under 20 minutes while singing "The Wheels on the Bus." I do not get promoted for learning 20 different ways to entertain small children in confined spaces. And I certainly do not get a raise for taking on additional roles in the workplace such as computer repair, janitorial service, travel agent, and personal shopper.

There is very little room for error and the stakes for mistakes are much higher. My bosses are fierce...but also small, impressionable, and easily upset. If I speak too harshly, I risk hurting their feelings. If I don't follow through on my word, I risk disappointing them. If I forget something that is important to them, I risk letting them down. If I am late, I risk making them scared and worried. There are no pats on the back for getting everything right...but getting anything wrong can inflict a mighty blow.

My full time job is much different than my husband. He gets raises, gets to clock out, and gets to make mistakes. But I...well, I get to spend each and every day with three of the most beloved little people in my life. I get to watch them grow and give them hugs and teach them about life. And if I make mistakes, I get lots of opportunities to make it up to them...and I never have to worry about getting fired.

So no, I don't get vacation days or bonuses. And the only ladders I'm climbing are on our swing set. But there is no monetary incentive big enough to coerce me into leaving my current position!

Hello, May...

It's going to be a good month! Can you ever just feel it sometimes? Already, the second day in, and I can feel a shift in the atmosphere. Good, positive things are coming...I just know.

Do you ever have one of those days where you realize how closely your reality resembles your wildest dreams? Today, as I sit here at my computer, my girls toddling about me...inside and outside...I'm having the deepest feelings of happiness and contentment. I'm realizing how there is absolutely nowhere else I'd rather be {physically or metaphorically}.

I'm working diligently on getting my prints in the shop today. I cannot tell you the feeling of accomplishment as I placed my items the "Art" category. I have wanted to sell something in that category for as long as I can remember. From a time when I was sure that "artist" meant "painter" or "illustrator" or something else that I did not possess the skills for. There were so many years that I resigned myself to suppressing my creative desires because I did not match my own description of "artist".

It wasn't until this big world opened up for me and I fell in love with my camera that I began to see things in a different light; that I began to explore all of the possibilities that lay in front of me. Artist is not a job; it's not a category on an aptitude test that implies some specific skill set. Artist is a way of life. To be an artist is to be able to look at this world, see something magical in it, and then be able to share that with the world.

Today, I accomplished a long time goal...I began selling my art. It feels huge...so monumental. It was a goal that seemed too huge to even work towards at one time, and then a goal that felt to intimidating to tackle. Persistence and patience have won today...as have I.

And the fact that all this has happened amidst my being home to raise my children and watch them grow...well, words cannot even begin to describe my gratitude for my blessings! Five years ago, I was working full time in a stressful, non-family friendly work environment. I missed my daughter, I hated my job, I came home crying nearly every day...but saw no other solution. On faith, I left that job and began waitressing only to realize shortly thereafter that we were expecting our second child. I didn't see how it would be possible to support two children when we were barely getting by on Brent's meager salary and my minimal waitressing shifts. But I had faith...strong faith...that everything was meant to be...that God would provide. I was open and listened. And a waitressing job, an in-home daycare, a soap business, and some changes in Brent's work situation later...here I am realizing my wildest dreams!

I didn't even really come here today to spill all of that and get so mushy...but once I started writing, I knew that it was important to look at everything that brought me to this point. I don't want to go all "if you can dream it, you can do it" on you, but I do want to say that if something is on your heart, I'm a firm believer that everything will all come together eventually to make that happen. Life may not always go down the roads you plan, but ultimately, you will always end up where you were intended to go.

So, May is starting off really great, yes?

What Spring Looks Like to Us...

As promised, a post chock full of pictures...and not much else. I think these images do a great job of telling the stories that my words could not.

Life has been good. Really good!

Saturday Night Bokeh & Joy In Unlikely Places...

Last night was...different. We had a busy day, we got a bunch done, and we decided to treat ourselves to dinner out. It was raining, and windy, and not exceptionally nice out. But out we went, to our local Irish themed mass chain restaurant {which I won't come right out and name but I'm sure you can infer}. They told us there would be a 10-15 min. wait. No problem. We went into the bar area and let the kiddos ogle over the games and such. Long story short, apparently there was only one table in the entire facility that could accommodate our absurdly large family {can you sense my sarcasm?} After waiting nearly 35 minutes, watching countless other parties be sat, prodding the hostesses, then watching them inquire to the manager but the manager apparently concurring that there was, in fact, only one table in the entire facility to accommodate our absurdly large family...I instructed them to take us off the list and we walked out. There was no way I could allow our hard earned cash to support a place like that. Plus, we had very hungry children who were also becoming very tired.

At this point, it was late. We couldn't risk having to wait for a table at any other nicer restaurant {which was a likely occurrence seeing as how it was 6pm on a Saturday night}. So we opted for necessary over nice, as we so often do as parents, and went to Arby's.

I was disappointed. I had wanted a nice meal out with the family. But you know what, there was almost nobody in Arby's, we got our food fast, the kids were happy, and we all laughed so much! I don't know that we would have had quite as good of a time at that unnamed Irish themed restauant-igan {hint, hint}!

Anyway, I had brought my camera along and on the way home decided to capture some great out of focus bokeh pictures. Because you see, a rainy dark night, leaving Arby's, is perhaps the best time and place to capture such pictures. Suddenly those absurd neon signs become beautiful art. And I really like beautiful art.

I took a lot of pictures on our short ride home...because I couldn't help myself. My husband so naively asked "will those even come out? can you even see anything?" "Oh my, Brent...will they ever come out nice!" I assured him. And I think they did.

Okay, God, lesson learned...beauty, love, the true wonderful moments in life come at the most unlikely times, in the most unlikely places.

Like when you're on your way home, from a Saturday night family dinner at Arby's, in the rain.

Happy Sunday to you all! I hope you're having the best of weekends!